Regret

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."-Edwin Hubbell Chapel

I don't think I believe that anymore.  At least not fully.  Suffering seems to just make people rash.  I look back at childhood and I'm reminded of when we used to go bowling as kids.  I'm awful at bowling.  Bumpers.  Bumpers to block the gutters so no matter what your aim was true.  That's what childhood was.

Everyone I know did their damnedest to break free of those confines in their own ways.  Some of us didn't get far.  Others did.

The other thing I remember about childhood was all the possibilities.  We could be anything, and for many of us, in the worlds we created in our heads, and acted out in our yards, we did become whatever we wanted.  Aging robbed us of that.  Possibility gives way towards looming responsibility.   The old infinite of wonder is replaced by the new ineffable infinite of the larger world.  The universe is vast beyond comprehension.  Full of stars, galaxies, and other wonders.  So many and ever increasing.  It defies belief.  I once felt crushed by it.  Now I take comfort in it.  You can't help but be humbled by viewing the vastness of it all, and you can't help amazed that there stands something beyond your comprehension.

But you have to look back.  There is too much to become lost in, and reality is an uncaring mistress who has no fucks to give.  Where you are, what doors you've taken, what doors have closed, all of which helps you pick what doors to follow.  And all of them should be accepted for what they were.  Ignoring the past, living without regret, belittles what we have done to become who we are.  Memory is a part of us, it binds us to our future and lays the foundation on which people of character are built.

Your compass is your past.  Look back and recall your suffering and draw strength from the fact that you are still here.  Burn bright and long like the stars.  Never forget as you stride forward.  Give the long strange road meaning and a say in what you shall become.

That's all for now.  Too much bouncing in my head right now.